But what if it all goes wrong?

But what if it all goes wrong?

Wednesday, June 21, woke up at 5:30am, which isn’t out of the norm for me. When Paolo has a 1200-2300 shift at work, I’ll set my alarm so I can catch him for a brief video chat before he goes to work. The chat isn’t usually productive… it’s mostly me doing my best not to fall back asleep and him getting ready for work. However today Paolo’s off and available to speak the entire day! Which is a fantastic because today is the day I legitimately purchase the van. Naturally, I am super worried. What if this is a bad idea? What if I jumped too soon? What if the seller (Henry) is a scammer? What if, what if, what if…? All running through my head. Lucky for me, I’ve got a two hour drive ahead of me to convince myself to chill and an patient boyfriend who always listens to my  worries and reassures me that “everything is going to be alright” in his Italian accent, which, when I try to replicate always sounds like a British- Jamaican accent.

Two hours later, I’ve arrived at a Wawa. Good, Henry’s not here yet. When I get nervous, it makes me have to go to the bathroom. I can go real quick before he gets here. Perfect. Bathroom done. Reapply alcohol to the armpits (because I also sweat when I get nervous- more so it’s the anticipation). Alcohol? Ah yes, I don’t use deodorant (haven’t for 3-4 years now). If, and when my pits get smelly, I simply spray some rubbing alcohol on them and it eliminates the smell. The smell, which isn’t too bad, only if you really get your nose up in there. But for my piece of mind, I don’t like being stinky. If I don’t have access to my alcohol spray, hand sanitizer works just as well 🙂

Armpits sprayed, bathroom used, I’m ready. Let’s do this. Phone rings. It’s Henry. Oh no, he’s calling to cancel or change his mind or got a better offer…. shit… heart rate is speeding up, armpits beginning to dampen again, I’m expecting the worst… “hello?” “Hey, I’m here, where are you?” Oh thank god!! “I’m here.” Looks around the parking lot… “…I see you” Henry rolls up in the van… wow he brought the van, awesome.

After a bit of small talk and multiple signatures on various sheets of paper, I hand him the envelope of money and trust. He counts it and gives me $500 back and says, “use it for the trip.” Wait, what the heck heck just happened here? “Seriously? Are you sure?” “Yea.” “Wow, thank you so much. Truly. I greatly appreciated. Thank you so much for everything.”

After we exchange everything and I thank Henry another 20,000 times, I get back in my car and wait for Henry to leave. I immediately call Paolo. “Babe, you wouldn’t believe it?!…. He gave us $500 back…. we got the van wishing our vehicle budget!!!! It’s really real… WE OWN THE VAN!!! IT’S OURS!!!!” This morning couldn’t of went any smoother. Thank you, thank you universe! It’s appreciated.

My excitement lasted all but a day…. June 22nd- June 24th was filled with worry, stress, and second thoughts about the van. What if I got suckered? What if it doesn’t even make it back to NYC? Where am I going to park it until Paolo gets here? I can’t park it on the street, the solar panels will get stolen; it’ll get broken into. What if this was a bad idea? Holy goodness, those days sucked mentally. I’m working to reform my worrying ways into being less worrisome and more productive because “worrying is stupid. It’s like walking around with an umbrella waiting for it to rain” – Wiz Kalifa.

It’s not an easy task to reprogram 32 years of thinking a certain way, but I trust in the process and will continue to work on it. Until then, I’ll drive myself (and Paolo) a little crazy with my worries.

Irregardless of my worry, I pushed through it and kept moving forward until… IMG_2951

it was officially legal!!! Now to pick it up and hope it makes it back to NYC… but wait, where am I going to park it until Paolo gets here? Uggghhhh…..City Living….. (not complaining though cause it could always be worse and it’s really not that bad or serious, at least we’ve got a van)!


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